Alone

Life in philippines is absolutely lonely. So lonely that i might even think about running away or killing myself.
Everyday I'm always confined in a house and unable to go out. Despite my uncle's(mom's younger brother) encouragement of me going out and explore the malls and so on, it's absolutely grim by any chances. Why? well, if you are living in a house with your traditional minded grandparents you might even think twice before going out. Because of their traditional mind setting, you are:

1) Always confined in the house, with strict restrictions what not
2) House rules always, curfew is understandable but me unable to go out? bull crap
3) Going out is limited to grocery and nearby cafes, yes but those are just a bore at times. However, going is disallowed at most liekly of cases
4) Going to mall is a no go unless I'm with them!
5) Driving is disallowed, as my uncle have told me, because its his car and afraid I might wreck it.

As you can see, I'm lonely always in my time in the philippines. The only time I get to go out is when I go to school and see my friends and that's it! really. I hate it. I want to enjoy what I used to do in Brunei, going out with my friends to movies, cafes, pool, going around and stuff. Seriously.
My life here in the philippines is depressing enough, and very miserable indeed. And I'm practically alone, and the feeling of loneliness surrounds me day in and day out. I do not feel close with my grandparents anymore since they've lied to me so many times that it's unbearable, I do not feel that close with any of my relatives as they are either fakes or liars in their own right. I miss my parents who truly understand me and my way of life, I miss going out with friends, I do feel close with some of my friends.

I'm a loner in this cruel country. I'm a loner being truthful to myself and finds it difficult to act fake. I'm a loner who wants to go back being an extrovergant (spelling?). I'm loner since I arrived in Philippines. I'm a loner that it hurts me so much that it's painful.

My new year is lonely and empty, since then til now I still do feel that way. That sometimes wine is my friend or spicy food is my friend to relief me from all my problems of life here in the lovely cruel country.

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I can be diagnosed for Hikikomori, a psychological behavior described by the japanese as pulling away from social life and confining themselves into isolation, which means isolating themselves in their homes or rooms for 6 months or more.

for more information, click this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori

but I would differ because I tend to go out at times but somehow, this definitely describes my situation.

That is all from your troubled blogger in the philippines