Guys...
I need some advice.....
I need to make a decision before UBD starts this August.
Should I transfer to UBD and go back my birth country or stay here?
I know i do not like nor love my life here in Philippines. But despite that, with great suffering comes with a great reward.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Tagged again..
Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 19 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 19 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.
1. People think I am Chinese, Japanese or Korean because the way I look
2. I think about my friends and parents abit too much lately
3. I have a bad habit of sleep late wake early
4. I have a massive interest in photography
5. I like korean, Japanese, chinese, italian noodles =)
6. I now have a non-biological sister...guess who? =)
7. Oddly, I like stuff toys
8. I have a anime collection of dvds and models
9. I DO NOT like liars, especially they have lied far too often and pretty much obvious. And especially I know the facts. Lie to me often I will get hurt and my trust will disappear.
10. I eat chocolates or cookies for lunch nowadays
11. I'm a common person in the clinic and library.
12. I have my own fridge =)
13. My friends are mainly female...
14. I do not like jokes that crosses the line of my patience or the jokes I do not like
15. I'm honest to my self, and I find it difficult to act fake or pretend I'm not me
16. The love I believe in is soul mates, like the one for you.
17. I am grateful and thankful that I have trustworthy and brillant friends.
18. I'm not jobless anymore, I'm now a library assistant in training and also student-student tutor to one person and as well a personal alarm clock and reminder.
19. And I wish I do not have a burden of problems as I have now, it bothers me alot when I think of it. Seriously, how can I focus if I have a burden of problems that bangs my head so hard that I can't think straight. Where my only escape is school or in my room.
Tags LW back and anyone who passes by (it's the rules...blame it)
Update:
I disected a dead cat today. Joys?
1. People think I am Chinese, Japanese or Korean because the way I look
2. I think about my friends and parents abit too much lately
3. I have a bad habit of sleep late wake early
4. I have a massive interest in photography
5. I like korean, Japanese, chinese, italian noodles =)
6. I now have a non-biological sister...guess who? =)
7. Oddly, I like stuff toys
8. I have a anime collection of dvds and models
9. I DO NOT like liars, especially they have lied far too often and pretty much obvious. And especially I know the facts. Lie to me often I will get hurt and my trust will disappear.
10. I eat chocolates or cookies for lunch nowadays
11. I'm a common person in the clinic and library.
12. I have my own fridge =)
13. My friends are mainly female...
14. I do not like jokes that crosses the line of my patience or the jokes I do not like
15. I'm honest to my self, and I find it difficult to act fake or pretend I'm not me
16. The love I believe in is soul mates, like the one for you.
17. I am grateful and thankful that I have trustworthy and brillant friends.
18. I'm not jobless anymore, I'm now a library assistant in training and also student-student tutor to one person and as well a personal alarm clock and reminder.
19. And I wish I do not have a burden of problems as I have now, it bothers me alot when I think of it. Seriously, how can I focus if I have a burden of problems that bangs my head so hard that I can't think straight. Where my only escape is school or in my room.
Tags LW back and anyone who passes by (it's the rules...blame it)
Update:
I disected a dead cat today. Joys?
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Why I hate Valentine's Day
[Emo Warning, Danger! another note, i wanted to post this last year but I think this year is more appropriate in a way since this blog is now private]
Like what the title says, Why I hate that day so much? There is alot things why I hate that day so much that I do not like celebrating it so much, mainly three reasons.
Reason 1: Rejection
It's a day where I'm always hurt, mainly my feelings. Where I suffer rejection the most. Confessing is hard enough but rejection is even more harder to swallow. It's hard enough that I really don't want to fall in love again. This I can take it in.
Reason 2: Heartbreak
It's a day where my heart was broken, feelings-wise, where the girl doesn't acknowledge my feelings for her and that I'm ignored. This hurts so much you know, you confessed then it's like nothing to her...the words just floats in the air and never seem to reach her. This reason I can take it in.
Reason 3: Painful
Painful experience of this day is when the girl you like does not chooses you but chooses another guy over you. Yes, it's that feeling. The feeling of betrayal and combined with heartbreak. It's like you've grown close to her and would sacrifice so many things for her, and would help and care for her so much, as well given things to her. And then in the end she chooses someone over you after you've been through for her. It is one of the most painful experience I have experienced. This can be the main reason I really hate valentine's day so much as it happened twice...I shall not be naming anyone as this here is a bad memory of mine.
This one....I cannot really take it in because hurts so much that I might break my friendship with the person, though I may reconsider. But if it's serious like the one that happened in the year 2006 to 2007 from May 2006 up to February 14 2007 and the gift on christmas day, a ferro rocher, then maybe...I would break everything towards this person. Yes I may be a jerk for doing this. But imagine yourself in my position, after being close and ready to admitt it then suddenly she chose someone over you. Yes it is painful.
Yes, my valentine's day has always been a miserable one. Always bad memories, always sad, always gloomy in a way. Sometimes I hope, my valentine's day was different from this saddness.
Like many men, valentine's day is either a joyful one or a woeful one. For me, it's woeful...ALWAYS WOEFUL AND SAD. Anyways:
Congrats to those couples that always have a great vaelentine's day
Congrats to those who didn't get rejected
Congrats to those lucky people who didn't have to experience what I've been through.
Congrats to those who never have to feel the way i do
Congrats to those....whose valentine's day is always joyful.
Please be different this year. That I do Pray it will be different this year.
I know I sounded desperate, but that's my feelings and experience about valentine's day over the past years. Sadly.
My Love life theme song is:
You Don't Know Me By Michael Buble
You give your hand to me
And then you say hello
And I can hardly speak
My heart is beating so
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well
Well, you don't know me
No, you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight
Oh I'm just a friend
That's all I've ever been
'Cause you don't know me
* For I never knew
The art of making love
Though my heart aches
With love for you
Afraid and shy
I've let my chance to go by
The chance that you might
Love me, too
You give your hand to me
And then you say good-bye
I watch you walk away
Beside the lucky guy
Oh, you'll never know
The one who loves you so
Well, you don't know me
You give your hand to me, baby
Then you say good-bye
I watch you walk away
Beside the lucky guy
No, no, you'll never ever know
The one who loves you so
Well, you don't know me
[ignore the pictures, just listen to the music]
Like what the title says, Why I hate that day so much? There is alot things why I hate that day so much that I do not like celebrating it so much, mainly three reasons.
Reason 1: Rejection
It's a day where I'm always hurt, mainly my feelings. Where I suffer rejection the most. Confessing is hard enough but rejection is even more harder to swallow. It's hard enough that I really don't want to fall in love again. This I can take it in.
Reason 2: Heartbreak
It's a day where my heart was broken, feelings-wise, where the girl doesn't acknowledge my feelings for her and that I'm ignored. This hurts so much you know, you confessed then it's like nothing to her...the words just floats in the air and never seem to reach her. This reason I can take it in.
Reason 3: Painful
Painful experience of this day is when the girl you like does not chooses you but chooses another guy over you. Yes, it's that feeling. The feeling of betrayal and combined with heartbreak. It's like you've grown close to her and would sacrifice so many things for her, and would help and care for her so much, as well given things to her. And then in the end she chooses someone over you after you've been through for her. It is one of the most painful experience I have experienced. This can be the main reason I really hate valentine's day so much as it happened twice...I shall not be naming anyone as this here is a bad memory of mine.
This one....I cannot really take it in because hurts so much that I might break my friendship with the person, though I may reconsider. But if it's serious like the one that happened in the year 2006 to 2007 from May 2006 up to February 14 2007 and the gift on christmas day, a ferro rocher, then maybe...I would break everything towards this person. Yes I may be a jerk for doing this. But imagine yourself in my position, after being close and ready to admitt it then suddenly she chose someone over you. Yes it is painful.
Yes, my valentine's day has always been a miserable one. Always bad memories, always sad, always gloomy in a way. Sometimes I hope, my valentine's day was different from this saddness.
Like many men, valentine's day is either a joyful one or a woeful one. For me, it's woeful...ALWAYS WOEFUL AND SAD. Anyways:
Congrats to those couples that always have a great vaelentine's day
Congrats to those who didn't get rejected
Congrats to those lucky people who didn't have to experience what I've been through.
Congrats to those who never have to feel the way i do
Congrats to those....whose valentine's day is always joyful.
Please be different this year. That I do Pray it will be different this year.
I know I sounded desperate, but that's my feelings and experience about valentine's day over the past years. Sadly.
My Love life theme song is:
You Don't Know Me By Michael Buble
You give your hand to me
And then you say hello
And I can hardly speak
My heart is beating so
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well
Well, you don't know me
No, you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight
Oh I'm just a friend
That's all I've ever been
'Cause you don't know me
* For I never knew
The art of making love
Though my heart aches
With love for you
Afraid and shy
I've let my chance to go by
The chance that you might
Love me, too
You give your hand to me
And then you say good-bye
I watch you walk away
Beside the lucky guy
Oh, you'll never know
The one who loves you so
Well, you don't know me
You give your hand to me, baby
Then you say good-bye
I watch you walk away
Beside the lucky guy
No, no, you'll never ever know
The one who loves you so
Well, you don't know me
[ignore the pictures, just listen to the music]
Friday, January 09, 2009
A Survey
Found in a friend's blog, might as well do it =)
SURVEY 2008
lost a friend? nope
stayed single the whole year? Yes I have...for my whole life to be specific
had your heart broken? 2008? nope. Previous years before 2008? Yes.
had a stalker? I dont know
done something you’ve regretted? Nope, I never regret anything
lost someone? nope
cut class? Heck no and I will never cut class
were involved in something you’ll never forget? Yes always, there are some unforgettable memoris of 2008
visited a different country? errr...does studying in a different count? if so yes
cooked a gross meal? nope
lost something important to you? Recently...my cellphone. Last year, none
got a gift you adore? The golden bookmark I got from KF.
tripped over a coffee table? no
dyed your hair? Nope
came close to losing your life? My heart problem. I thought it was serious but it wasn't
went to a party? Some hehe
read a great book? Barack Obama's Biography and Watching A Tree by Adeline Yen Mah
saw one of your favourite bands/artists live? T.T nope
saw someone famous in person? A couple...mainly local ones..
2008: Your Love Life
Did you break up with anyone? How can I break up if I'm single for all my life at the moment.
Who were you broken up with? ....
Did you get anything for Valentine’s day? A nice Ecard on friendster or a greeting online
Did you meet anyone special? Maybe~ hehe
Did you fall in love? hmmm if love is caring and her being special..then I do not know.
2008: Friends and Enemies
Did you meet any new friends this year? Yes I did! but only few are true and pure to me.
Did you dislike anyone? Yes. I can list their names =)
Did you make any new enemies? I hope so not.
Did you resolve any fights? I did not have any arguements with anyone. I always do my best to not argue nor fight with anyone
Who are your closest friends? hmm Hannah, Lu Wee, Alvin Lee, Hamizan, Casey, Joy, Rhed and Justine.
Did you grow apart from anyone? ALOT. T.T I do still try my best to keep in touch
Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships? There are times you have to regret but I never regret any of them.
2008: Your BIRTHDAY!
Did you have a cake? Nope.
Did you have a party? nope..
Did you get any presents? none T.T
If so what was the best thing you got? none...
2008: All about YOU
Did you change at all this year? Definately I have matured in my personality. And I still have an immature side to cheer up the depressed and sad souls.
Did you get your hair cut? Four or five times i think.
Did you change your style? Still the casual type or sporty type of dresser
Were you in school? School as in university? Yes then.
Did you get good grades? Im getting good grades at the moment, except for zoology since its a extra hard subject for me. And I fell in love chemistry which definately ticks my mind whenever Im in class.
Did you have a job? last year, as a personal tutor yes. This year Im signing up as a Student Library Assistant and Im doing it for free of course.
Did you drive? yes, but in philippines no. Because Im not allowed to...sucks right?
Did you own a car? Nope but SOON!
Did anyone close to you give birth? nope none.
Did you move at all? sadly I have moved to philippines for now...I will be back in brunei after 4 to 9 years to do my MD.
Did you go on any vacations? Does malling around the malls count?
Would you change anything about yourself now? I gained weight and lost weight.
2008: 2009
Was 2008 a good year? Possibly.
Do you think 2009 will top 2008? We'll never know
I confess that in 2008 I…
(x) stayed single for the whole year
() made out in/on a car
() kissed in the snow
() celebrated Halloween
() kissed in the rain
(x) had your heart broken
(x...I dunno I heard rumors that there's a girl who likes me) broke someone else’s heart
() had a stalker
() mooned someone
(x) went over the minutes on your cell phone - 20 minutes plus talks with hannah haha.
(x - friendship-wise) had a good relationship with someone
I tag you!
SURVEY 2008
lost a friend? nope
stayed single the whole year? Yes I have...for my whole life to be specific
had your heart broken? 2008? nope. Previous years before 2008? Yes.
had a stalker? I dont know
done something you’ve regretted? Nope, I never regret anything
lost someone? nope
cut class? Heck no and I will never cut class
were involved in something you’ll never forget? Yes always, there are some unforgettable memoris of 2008
visited a different country? errr...does studying in a different count? if so yes
cooked a gross meal? nope
lost something important to you? Recently...my cellphone. Last year, none
got a gift you adore? The golden bookmark I got from KF.
tripped over a coffee table? no
dyed your hair? Nope
came close to losing your life? My heart problem. I thought it was serious but it wasn't
went to a party? Some hehe
read a great book? Barack Obama's Biography and Watching A Tree by Adeline Yen Mah
saw one of your favourite bands/artists live? T.T nope
saw someone famous in person? A couple...mainly local ones..
2008: Your Love Life
Did you break up with anyone? How can I break up if I'm single for all my life at the moment.
Who were you broken up with? ....
Did you get anything for Valentine’s day? A nice Ecard on friendster or a greeting online
Did you meet anyone special? Maybe~ hehe
Did you fall in love? hmmm if love is caring and her being special..then I do not know.
2008: Friends and Enemies
Did you meet any new friends this year? Yes I did! but only few are true and pure to me.
Did you dislike anyone? Yes. I can list their names =)
Did you make any new enemies? I hope so not.
Did you resolve any fights? I did not have any arguements with anyone. I always do my best to not argue nor fight with anyone
Who are your closest friends? hmm Hannah, Lu Wee, Alvin Lee, Hamizan, Casey, Joy, Rhed and Justine.
Did you grow apart from anyone? ALOT. T.T I do still try my best to keep in touch
Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships? There are times you have to regret but I never regret any of them.
2008: Your BIRTHDAY!
Did you have a cake? Nope.
Did you have a party? nope..
Did you get any presents? none T.T
If so what was the best thing you got? none...
2008: All about YOU
Did you change at all this year? Definately I have matured in my personality. And I still have an immature side to cheer up the depressed and sad souls.
Did you get your hair cut? Four or five times i think.
Did you change your style? Still the casual type or sporty type of dresser
Were you in school? School as in university? Yes then.
Did you get good grades? Im getting good grades at the moment, except for zoology since its a extra hard subject for me. And I fell in love chemistry which definately ticks my mind whenever Im in class.
Did you have a job? last year, as a personal tutor yes. This year Im signing up as a Student Library Assistant and Im doing it for free of course.
Did you drive? yes, but in philippines no. Because Im not allowed to...sucks right?
Did you own a car? Nope but SOON!
Did anyone close to you give birth? nope none.
Did you move at all? sadly I have moved to philippines for now...I will be back in brunei after 4 to 9 years to do my MD.
Did you go on any vacations? Does malling around the malls count?
Would you change anything about yourself now? I gained weight and lost weight.
2008: 2009
Was 2008 a good year? Possibly.
Do you think 2009 will top 2008? We'll never know
I confess that in 2008 I…
(x) stayed single for the whole year
() made out in/on a car
() kissed in the snow
() celebrated Halloween
() kissed in the rain
(x) had your heart broken
(x...I dunno I heard rumors that there's a girl who likes me) broke someone else’s heart
() had a stalker
() mooned someone
(x) went over the minutes on your cell phone - 20 minutes plus talks with hannah haha.
(x - friendship-wise) had a good relationship with someone
I tag you!
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Alone
Life in philippines is absolutely lonely. So lonely that i might even think about running away or killing myself.
Everyday I'm always confined in a house and unable to go out. Despite my uncle's(mom's younger brother) encouragement of me going out and explore the malls and so on, it's absolutely grim by any chances. Why? well, if you are living in a house with your traditional minded grandparents you might even think twice before going out. Because of their traditional mind setting, you are:
1) Always confined in the house, with strict restrictions what not
2) House rules always, curfew is understandable but me unable to go out? bull crap
3) Going out is limited to grocery and nearby cafes, yes but those are just a bore at times. However, going is disallowed at most liekly of cases
4) Going to mall is a no go unless I'm with them!
5) Driving is disallowed, as my uncle have told me, because its his car and afraid I might wreck it.
As you can see, I'm lonely always in my time in the philippines. The only time I get to go out is when I go to school and see my friends and that's it! really. I hate it. I want to enjoy what I used to do in Brunei, going out with my friends to movies, cafes, pool, going around and stuff. Seriously.
My life here in the philippines is depressing enough, and very miserable indeed. And I'm practically alone, and the feeling of loneliness surrounds me day in and day out. I do not feel close with my grandparents anymore since they've lied to me so many times that it's unbearable, I do not feel that close with any of my relatives as they are either fakes or liars in their own right. I miss my parents who truly understand me and my way of life, I miss going out with friends, I do feel close with some of my friends.
I'm a loner in this cruel country. I'm a loner being truthful to myself and finds it difficult to act fake. I'm a loner who wants to go back being an extrovergant (spelling?). I'm loner since I arrived in Philippines. I'm a loner that it hurts me so much that it's painful.
My new year is lonely and empty, since then til now I still do feel that way. That sometimes wine is my friend or spicy food is my friend to relief me from all my problems of life here in the lovely cruel country.
=====
I can be diagnosed for Hikikomori, a psychological behavior described by the japanese as pulling away from social life and confining themselves into isolation, which means isolating themselves in their homes or rooms for 6 months or more.
for more information, click this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori
but I would differ because I tend to go out at times but somehow, this definitely describes my situation.
That is all from your troubled blogger in the philippines
Everyday I'm always confined in a house and unable to go out. Despite my uncle's(mom's younger brother) encouragement of me going out and explore the malls and so on, it's absolutely grim by any chances. Why? well, if you are living in a house with your traditional minded grandparents you might even think twice before going out. Because of their traditional mind setting, you are:
1) Always confined in the house, with strict restrictions what not
2) House rules always, curfew is understandable but me unable to go out? bull crap
3) Going out is limited to grocery and nearby cafes, yes but those are just a bore at times. However, going is disallowed at most liekly of cases
4) Going to mall is a no go unless I'm with them!
5) Driving is disallowed, as my uncle have told me, because its his car and afraid I might wreck it.
As you can see, I'm lonely always in my time in the philippines. The only time I get to go out is when I go to school and see my friends and that's it! really. I hate it. I want to enjoy what I used to do in Brunei, going out with my friends to movies, cafes, pool, going around and stuff. Seriously.
My life here in the philippines is depressing enough, and very miserable indeed. And I'm practically alone, and the feeling of loneliness surrounds me day in and day out. I do not feel close with my grandparents anymore since they've lied to me so many times that it's unbearable, I do not feel that close with any of my relatives as they are either fakes or liars in their own right. I miss my parents who truly understand me and my way of life, I miss going out with friends, I do feel close with some of my friends.
I'm a loner in this cruel country. I'm a loner being truthful to myself and finds it difficult to act fake. I'm a loner who wants to go back being an extrovergant (spelling?). I'm loner since I arrived in Philippines. I'm a loner that it hurts me so much that it's painful.
My new year is lonely and empty, since then til now I still do feel that way. That sometimes wine is my friend or spicy food is my friend to relief me from all my problems of life here in the lovely cruel country.
=====
I can be diagnosed for Hikikomori, a psychological behavior described by the japanese as pulling away from social life and confining themselves into isolation, which means isolating themselves in their homes or rooms for 6 months or more.
for more information, click this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori
but I would differ because I tend to go out at times but somehow, this definitely describes my situation.
That is all from your troubled blogger in the philippines
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year Everybody!
New year in various languages:
Chinese - Xin Nian Kuai Le
French - Bonne Annee
Hong kong(Cantonese) - Sun Leen Fai Lok
Italian - Felice anno nuovo
Japanese - Akimashite Omedetto Gozaimasu
Korean - Saehae Bock Mani ba deu sei yo
Malay - Selamat Tahun Baru
Philippines - Maligayang Bagong Taon
Spanish - Feliz Ano ~Nuevo
Thai - Sawadee Pee Mai
Vietnamese - Chuc Mung Tan Nien
New Year's Resolution?
- Continue my diet
- Spend less on unimportant things
- And finally continue being myself!
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